Commentary, Healthcare, Politics

#GotInsurance: Healthcare for Chumps

I can’t actually remember the ad campaigns of any other health insurance providers in America. Maybe it’s because we never had much choice, so they just figured we would take what we could get. Not much has changed, except for this attempt at something from #GotInsurance. I’m still not 100% sure that this isn’t a joke, but I don’t really feel like digging any deeper (it does link to a .gov website).

It seems like whoever designed the campaign based it on the commercials for Surge and stock photos from a middle school textbook about douchebags. It is meant to appeal to young people, but then goes on to make them look like a bunch of jabronis. 

I’m not following this health insurance stuff too much, because I’m living out of the country, but from what I’ve gleaned from my parents’ posts on Facebook, a lot of people got Obamacare who didn’t want it. And what do you do in a situation like that? Based solely on this ad campaign, if I were to choose Obamacare or something else or even nothing, I would have to go with the latter two options. It isn’t so much what the ads are saying about the insurance, but the way that they are saying it. Okay, it’s also what they’re saying. I’m sorry, but if it’s for bros, it’s not for me.

Insurance for when people who don’t know you want to punch you in the face.. and people who do know you want to punch you in the face.

Most insurance companies do end up providing coverage for bros, and I realize that, but they don’t go and rub it in my face. Presented with this information, what the hell do they expect from the self-respecting portion of the population? Most of us would cringe at the thought of being associated with someone who makes that face in photos (I’m talking about you “Sam”). And how about this: Your health care can cover those Dbags getting their stomachs pumped (and thus prolonging their existence). Vom.

In addition to their misguided pandering to the Bro segment, they are also targeting girls who drink red wine and do yoga. This is what young women do, so obviously they understand us and our needs. Okay, so I’m a 25 year old woman and I drink red wine and do yoga, but I resent them for trying to get jokey with me, they don’t know me. This is just a meme in the making, but the joke’s on them.

This is based on the someecard about the girls who want to work out but really just end up drinking. It’s only okay when we say it!

When practiced correctly, Yoga should help you, not hurt you. Yogis we practice Ahimsa (non-violence) which means we do not push ourselves beyond our limitations. No healthcare needed.

Then there’s the sad desperate girl who is trying to bed an obvi sleazy guy. I mean, come on.

Birth control for when you’re sleeping with a guy whose genes you don’t want anywhere near your uterus and who also  probably poked a hole in the condom. SMH NBD DTF.

The website is embarrassing itself right down to its URL: doyougotinsurance.com. This is the hip vernacular of the youths.

If you saw these ads and thought “Yes! They’re finally making insurance for people like me,” please comment.

From what I can tell, this insurance covers accidents caused by keg stands, birth control, lesbians, the stalking of Ryan Gosling, Bike and other fitness related accidents, and flu shots. #thanksobamacare that pretty much covers all of the ailments of today’s silly and frivolous youths.

RollerDerby

Jabroni

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Commentary

response to “Why Good Girls Have Become Unicorns” and why Elite Daily might be the most misguided site, ever

I know that I’m giving it more attention than it deserves, but you don’t see this kind of outright chauvinism expressed in such an unapologetic way every day (even if it was published in April). Or maybe you do–if you read Elitedaily.com ever.

A friend linked to this article on Facebook, expressing amusement and obvious disgust. I read it as part of my morning routine where I scroll the News Feed, and that’s where I get my news.

The article, “Why Good Girls Have Become Unicorns” by Preston Waters, is followed by a slew of comments from men and women alike, hating his guts. And it’s easy to see why–he bemoans the lack of marriageable women, hesitantly admits that he’s lucky to have women who will sleep with him, and concludes that if he finds a girl virtuous enough for him he’ll probably cheat on her too.

Forward thinking people hate this idea. It doesn’t jibe with the way that we live our lives, it’s unfair, it’s a double standard, and people shouldn’t think this way. So many still do though. If you hook up with a guy, that’s great, and thanks and all, but you’re now not good enough, you’re not girlfriend material and certainly not wife material. You aren’t allowed to have a good time. The problem is, men always think, “if she hooked up with me, she must hook up with anyone.” When, instead, they should just be flattered that they’re getting laid at all. It should make them feel good about themselves, but it doesn’t. Sex and the person giving it only achieve their value through rarity. This only works if you follow the precept that men are easy and will always want sex and sex is a woman’s commodity. Waters’  thesis is built on this presumption. In fact, most of Elite Daily’s articles assume quite a bit about the genders, it’s pretty offensive, and that’s just the based on the titles.

The 20 Reasons Why She’s Not Getting a Second Date — with a picture of a girl crying in bed. Someone called “Date Master Dan” proceeds to give all of the reasons that he wouldn’t ask a girl out on another date, which is really helpful if you’re going out with him. The reasons are things like you showed up late, you didn’t know what you wanted to drink, you weren’t attractive, there are lots of other girls who want to date Date Master Dan, and the one from last night was hotter. So if you can eliminate those problems, then you might be lucky enough to get a date with him. Because don’t forget, he’s calling the shots, and if you aren’t interested enough in his life and talk about yours too much, you might end up sad and lonely. In summary, women are pathetic and just wish that you would go out with them, and you would throw them a bone if they weren’t so human.

Why He Didn’t Call You After the First Date — this one was published ten minutes before the aforementioned post, and really seems to be driving home a point (this one is pictured looking sad in front of a phone): women are at the mercy of men when it comes to dating, and are super sad when they don’t get male attention, so much so that they are seeking the advice of a male columnist. The best part both though is the reasons; it was either because he didn’t like you or because he did like you. What?!

Harden Up: Here Are The Top 5 Signs You’re Being Too Nice To Her — God forbid you be nice to a woman.

Numbers On The Board: How To Prepare Yourself To Want and Score More Women — this shouldn’t be too hard, since women are so easy now according to Preston Waters

Take a Hint Already! The 9 Signs That Prove He’s Not Actually Into You — Again?

Why You Need To Stop Looking For Your Future Husband In Every Guy You Meet — this one is actually written by a woman. And it begins, “The problem with women today is they are too eager for love.” And one of the reasons is that “Men Don’t Want To Be Your Husband,” with the explanation, “Guys don’t want to be husbands right now. Men and women couldn’t be looking for more opposite things at this point in their lives. The hard truth is, men just want to f*ck. That’s it. They want to have casual sex for as long as possible and they are not going to just give that up because you want a hubby. Once you understand that men are only looking for someone to go to bed with, you will begin to better understand how to keep relationships and men.” In addition, “Expectations Lead to Disappointment”, and “Marriages Are Outdated.” Thanks for pointing out how pathetic our goals are, Lauren. As you know, women are pathetic and clingy and men only want sex.

The list goes on, and I’ve kind of had it, so I kind read anymore at the moment.

Elite Daily is perpetuating an illusion that women are these desperate creatures who just want to be your girlfriend, and men just want to bang lots of chicks. I wouldn’t be surprised if every dating article on Elite Daily is based on that premise. It’s like, “Hey, how about an article telling women why we don’t like them, even though they really want  to marry us? And I have another idea that I’d like to look into–it’s about how to bang lots of chicks.”

That being said, these articles aren’t much worse than what you’ll find in Cosmo or Men’s Health, the only problem is, Elite Daily prides itself as, “a medium for people tired of disingenuous content.” And claims to have, “sought to create a space where stimulating, applicable content can reach a like-minded audience.” Sorry ED (Elite Daily? Erectile Dysfunction?), but you need to work harder and maybe not be so repetitive if you want a second date.

In an attempt to alleviate some of the damage caused by the misinformation provided on Elite Daily, I’ll give my own advice. As an older sister, and mentor to a few younger friends, I like to see women empowered. I hate to think that there are younger girls waiting by for phone or crying in bed because they want some douchebag to ask them out again. Don’t waste your time with those guys. I know that most people have to make their own mistakes and see it for themselves, but most guys in their twenties are not worth dating. Sleeping around might seem fun for a while, but remember that men are easy and it will be a much bigger ego boost to make them work for it. Likewise, sex is better with practice, and each partner is different, so one night stands are sexually gratifying for very few women. There’s nothing wrong with setting standards and having expectations, just don’t settle. If you want to marry your next boyfriend, you may need to date around a lot. And you might have to date a lot of ED-style douchebags to realize what a marriageable guy is when you meet him. And remember, a gentleman will respect you, even if you “don’t respect yourself”. Some guys think that if you put out then you have no self respect, and they don’t have to respect you either. This is bullshit.

As for the unicorns that Preston realized that he didn’t actually want–you need to go to the library, a farmer’s market, spin class, etc. You might have to put up with a few cats or religious beliefs.

From the movie Dazed and Confused which takes place in the 70s, “Think about it. You’re basically alone on a deserted island with two readily available women. Once seductive sex-goddess type, the other a healthy girl-next-door type with a nice butt. So guys have it all, the madonna and the whore. Women get nothing; we get a geek, an overweight middle-aged guy, some nerdy scientific type…”

As for you, Preston, if you want to stop seeing girls as sluts, you should stop having them fulfill that role for you. It is your lack of respect for women that makes them what they are to you. I’m like almost convinced that your whole post was a troll, and perhaps the whole website as well.

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