this guy’s 15 minutes are over, Richmond

John Lewis Morgan, you are a thorn in my side.
Usually I like it when people speak their mind, I certainly enjoy doing it, but there’s a difference here–no one cares what I’m saying. Richmond is a pretty small market, and JLM seems to have made his mark. He’s actually a marginally respected journalist, and I find this appalling. RVA Mag, a more legitimate publication, calls him a “friend,” and Style Weekly even did a write up on him, lauding his success. Spewing vitriol and a singular world view, I am at a loss to find anything to like about One Way Richmond.

Presumably, OWR gets it name from the closed mindedness of its author. From the tone taken by Mr. Morgan, seemingly, anyone who isn’t paying their dues, desperately trying to be hip, belongs in the suburbs with HIV. He’s like, “hey guys, there’s only One Way here–my way or the highway! And also there’s a new Sheriff in town.” It’s about being into the music scene in RVA, having your hair cut like Oasis, and living within the city limits.


Who wore it better?

He’s got a major chip on his shoulder, and that chip is middle class and white. He decries tribute bands, Chesterfield, Henrico, Boulevard, families, Bud Light, and illiteracy. You see, those things are all associated. Sure it’s easy to hate those things, but to engender so much hatred to so many people? It suggests that you don’t know any of those people. You’re a wannabe hipster, preaching to the contrived and pretentious elite of Lamplighter. Not to mention the fact that you’re fighting a battle that you don’t want to win, because if you win, you lose. When the suburbanites come into your city trying to enrich themselves with a little culture, you bitch. If everyone thought the One Way that you want them to, you wouldn’t have anything to bitch about. And bitching is your lifeforce.

Hipsters are the people who pretend to love all blue collar things, but actually hate blue collar people. While being interviewed by Style, about his investigation into Richmond, JLM said, “Buried under a bunch of mainstream crap, which every city has now, lay an unbelievable cultured class that does things the DIY (do-it-yourself) or blue collar way – basically the right way.” You see, it’s okay to do Blue Collar things, as long as you’re well educated, don’t need to do Blue Collar things as your occupation, and like all of the same things that he does. However, if you’re a mechanic who drinks Bud Light, likes to go to The National to see The Machine, never got help for your dyslexia, and lives in Chesterfield, stay out of my city (not really)! The absolute impudence of praising the cultured class who do things the One Way that JLM thinks is right is shocking. I get it, Mr. Morgan has a major broner for Lance at Minimum Wage Recording.

I’m gonna tell you the truth. I like to DIY stuff. I like craft beer. and I see no reason to go see a tribute band. When I lived in Richmond, I got majorly annoyed at people from outta town coming in and taking my precious parking. People who attempt to conform to any particular social niche are laughable at best, and pretty terrible at their worst. I’m being honest though–I don’t want those people to change to be like me. I don’t need other people getting all interesting and trying to compete with me. I need to have my shit that I do that makes me feel like I’m a tiny bit better than other people. That’s why hipsters have gotten so weird and beardy lately… the mainstream culture is catching up with them, faster than over. I mean, shit, man. I was talking to a friend from Norway. Fucking Norway, and he said that they have the same guy there that was a his hair combed back, long on top, short on the sides. He wears sturdy denim jeans, rolled up, maybe a snazzy pair of socks, a button down shirt, and some big boots.  Oh yeah and a beard.

This is a thing.

Yeah, it’s a thing. And it’s a mainstream thing. I was in The Well the week before it closed, and I swear, the bartender called me “random girl,” because I didn’t have a beard. Btw, fuck you bartender, I’m Asian and also a girl, I’m not growing a beard in this life.

So, in conclusion, Mr. Morgan, I know you want the Token Bearded Guy to like you because you both hate the same things.

It’s not happening though. You care too much, and Lance is actually a really nice guy.