The problem with “Nice Guys” is the same as the problem with “Girl who Travels.” It’s that discrepancy between something that is real and genuine, and something that requires quotation marks, and the reason that these titles are denoted with Air Quotes is that they are self-professed, aspirational, and utterly meaningless. I know it’s difficult to stomach, but you cannot define yourself.
So, it was a huge error for Leo Steven to even try and speak for all “Nice Guys,” and subsequently proffer that label unto himself. And then there was all of the other bullshit that he said.
Not to brag, but my husband is a really really nice guy. This past weekend, he parted the sea of people on the sidewalk so that a lady with a stroller could get past. A few weeks ago he gave an old lady he met at the chiropractor a ride to the bus stop, after she told him how long it had taken her to get there. He felt guilty for not driving her all the way home. And he definitely doesn’t do this shit to get some from them or to impress me, because it makes him embarrassed when I even mention it.
So my husband is legitimately nice, but he has never had problems with the ladies because he is a well adjusted guy and he’s good looking. He treats everyone with respect and kindness, without any ulterior motive.
Guys that haven’t had much luck with girls see the title, “Dear Girls Who Are (Finally) Ready TO Date Nice Guys: We Don’t Want You Anymore,” and feel empowered, vindicated even. However, they neglect to understand that just because girls don’t like them, that doesn’t make them nice (no quotes).
I think that it goes without saying that girls should go out with nice guys: guys who treat them well and respect women. Some girls aren’t at a level of maturity for that yet, and still want to play games. Relationships work best one both parties are of a similar maturity. A girl who hasn’t yet graduated from the Elementary School playground rituals of ” if he’s mean to you that means he likes you” would get bored with a grown-ass man who is straightforward, knows what he wants, and isn’t embarrassed to admit that he likes a girl.
It’s easy to get hung up on a person who you can never quite have, it’s an ego thing. And I think that that is what is happening with the girl in the article, and to the writer of the article as well. Who doesn’t have that revenge fantasy where that person who rejected you finally wants you back, and now you get to reject them? As a fleeting thought, it’s fine, but any more time wasted on it than that is just time wasted. Whether you are actively pursuing this person who did you wrong, because you’re confusing insecurity for love, or if you’re writing articles about how she wants you and now she can’t have you, you need to evaluate the source of your sense of self.
The best revenge is living well, but this only works if you are living well all over everyone’s faces. Nevertheless, if you want to show up all of the chicks that were mean to you, the best revenge would be loudly not giving a fuck… not writing a about how much you’re over her/them (you’re clearly not).
I’ve had a major problem with “Nice Guys” for a long time now, even before I started dating, actually. Having dated a lot of actually nice guys, I can confirm that my natural instincts were correct. Being “Nice” is not enough. Being “Nice” is the bare minimum of even getting a date, at least that’s my rule.
If a guy asks me out on a date (or did, since I’m married now), I would probably be like, “sure, why not, he seems like a nice guy.” There are guidelines for this though. He must be:
– Remotely attractive
– Truly seem like a nice guy
– Seem like someone who I wouldn’t mind going on a date with.
I don’t have to be ready to kiss him, sleep with him, marry him, have his babies, die within a week of his death, etc. That’s what the date, and all subsequent dates are for, to determine if you want to do those things.
You probably shouldn’t accept a date with someone who you wouldn’t even enjoy eating a meal around. Other than that though, a date is just a way for you to both get to know each other better and see if there is potential there. This might seem obvious, but judging by the comments on the aforementioned article, it’s not. A date does not need to be a prelude to sex.
Sometimes you go on a date and the more you get to know the other person, the more you like him or her. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Regardless, you should always be on your best behaviour on a date. Just as a guy being nice is the bare minimum, girls must be nice too. When on a date, the other party is your captive audience, and you are responsible for being a pleasant companion. You need to be yourself, but, as always with someone you don’t know that well, the best version of yourself. All this means is that you need to be ready to socialize, you need to be polite, and you need to at least pretend like you want this person to like you.
True Story: I once went out with a redhead. This might not mean a lot to you, but it does to me. It wouldn’t be my usual color palette. This guy really wanted to go out with me, and had told my coworkers. I was sort of on the spot, and I didn’t feel comfortable rejecting him publicly. When I accepted, he was already coming off over eager, texting me profusely. Still, it was just a date, and I figured that I might as well give him a chance. At the very least, he would see that I wasn’t that great and not pine for me, as he might have if I hadn’t ever gone out with him. I did my best on the date to make it enjoyable for him, while at the same time presenting myself as not great girlfriend material, citing a history of boozing and I also told him that I was a virgin, which was the truth. We couldn’t have been more different. He drove a monster truck, and I, well, didn’t. I thought I had prevented any chance of a second date, but I was wrong. We went out at least once more, and he was genuinely a nice guy. He never even expected a kiss, and seemed surprised when I hugged him. I had never expected it to go anywhere, and in the end it didn’t. But he was starting to grow on me, and the red hair became less pervasive. In the end, however, he was too needy and our backgrounds too different.
My point being, there is no harm in going out on a date with someone. It’s a chance to get to know someone better, and people can surprise you. Nevertheless, it’s helpful to have a foundation of similar interests/background or be crazy attracted to each other, because those things are hard to change. The dude who wrote that article is pathetic, but the chick really should have been a better date. She should have been pleasant at the very least, but that wouldn’t change her lack of interest in him. Further, if the only interest that you can incite in women is via your nice car or good job, you are really still at square one. You’ve learned nothing. Something else is lacking here, and my guess is that it’s not bitchiness.